Night Shift Pep Talks: A Guide
It seems like a lifetime since the last time I wrote a post on here! Life has been crazy busy, and just keeps going! Our summer was full of fun, weddings, travel, work, etc. It's already October of 2018 - HOW DID WE GET HERE??
Ben began his third year rotation at beginning of August, beginning with internal med. The way his schedule worked was pretty sucky - he had one straight week of day shift (8am-6pm) and then the next week of nights (6pm-1 or 2am) and then switched back and forth for 4 weeks.
I remember standing at the door around 7pm on the first night of his night shift. I was about to lock our door, knowing he wouldn't be walking through the door anytime soon. I looked down at sweet Benny's face. He was sitting next to me, staring at the door and waiting for the same person to walk through. "He's not comin' for awhile bud." I said, and gave him a kiss. We watched TV together, played with toys, and I got some laundry done. I felt a sense of independence I hadn't felt before. Ben had been gone at nights before, but this was the first time I'd be going to bed unsure of his return home from the hospital. I felt strong and capable. I really liked it. Until I went to sleep.
10:00pm
"You can do this...he'll be home in...4 hours probably. Just sleep!!"
I said this over and over again in my head as I stared at the ceiling of my bedroom. I prayed, I snuggled with Benny, I thanked God for Benny, I tried to read. I just couldn't do it. I needed Ben with me.
11:35pm
"Ok, this is not gonna work," I said out loud. "toughen up bitch!!!" (I need to be harsh with myself or I never learn.)
12:23pm:
I remember squeezing my eyes shut, trying to think of happy things that would help me drift into a deep sleep. I checked my phone for the "leaving now" text. It hadn't come.
1:00am:
Benny barked and woke me up. DAMMIT! I had finally fallen asleep...but...Ben? Was he home? I popped my head up to check. Benny had run out of our room and to the front door. I didn't hear anything. About 20 seconds later he sauntered back into the bedroom, sighing, as if to say "not yet."
Literal picture of how we were feeling:
1:30am:
I finally fell into a half-sleep state when I woke up about a half an hour later to Ben coming through the door. A flood of relief rushed over me. He kissed my forehead and told me to go back to sleep. Benny was ecstatic, ready to cuddle in between us and have puppy dreams.
The next morning I woke up extremely proud of myself, smiling ear to ear thinking about how cool I was for making it through (almost a full) night shift. And then my heart sank. I'd have to do it again. And again. And again.
Thank the good Lord those nights went by fast, and even better, he was home early most times! It got me thinking, I really wish more spouses of busy people would be open about how lonely it can get. I think we are all so ready to put on a brave face (like I did) and pretend that we're okay. I think that people who are emotional like me and who have a hard time being alone should be proud that they can get through times like these. I am really proud of myself, even if this feat was small in some eyes.
Some advice for any spouses getting ready for their spouses night shift:
1) Stay busy. Always leave big chores and activities for the nights you'll be alone. You'll tire yourself out and you won't be bored
2) Make plans with friends! Go distract yourself and the hours will go by faster
3) Dance parties are where its at - you have the house to yourself IT'S TIME TO PARTY
4) Make a meal that has enough for leftovers so your spouse isn't stuck eating crappy hospital food.
5) If you have a dog, spent LOADS of time with it because they will feel lonely too!!
And the BIGGEST piece of advice that I also need to remember is that it's not about you. Your spouse is the one at the hospital working long hours overnight, when they would probably rather be spending their evening with you. Remember to not take anything personally, and to support them through the rough days.
Ben has also completed Family med and is working in Pediatrics currently. He's done phenomenally well and this year is FLYING by. I'm really excited for our future and for more days and nights of learning how to be on my own.
Please pray for me and Benny and our patience :)
-Tay :)
