Time Needs to Hurry its Ass Up (Or Slow it Down, Doesn't Matter)
Have you ever wanted time to speed up, and simultaneously slow down?
Monday is June 4th, 2018.
Do you know what that means?
It means that TWO YEARS AGO on that date, I married my best friend.
Yas queen, I have survived two years with the man that doesn't feel the need to put anything back where it belongs, and I'm loving it!
I have been filled with a certain feeling of anxiety that leaves me confused and frustrated. In the beginning of Ben's medical journey, I felt at peace with where we were in our lives. Newly married, dog parents with a pretty straight-forward schedule and a steady (even though it was low) income. We were doin a heck of a job for 22 year olds!
Now that Ben is entering his third year of school after step 1 of his boards, the nerves and anxiety are creeping in. His once pretty straight forward schedule of lectures during the day and studying at night will soon turn into "what rotation schedule are you on this month?" And "will I see you for breakfast in the morning?"
I am so anxious for him to be finished with boards (June 22 whaddup), but I know that the three short weeks he has between the end of boards and his hospital rotations will fly by - and I am a wreck inside.
After that, he will have limited time off until entering his fourth year, where he will be traveling and interviewing for residencies. It's pretty much all downhill from here until he's finished. That's why I'm so conflicted...there are so many days to look forward to, but days I am dreading in between.
On the flip side, one of the best things about my medical marriage is the appreciation I have for my husband. His diligence and attitude towards his studies is admirable, and I see him apply it in his every day life.
I also realize that I miss him. I MISS HIM! Even when he is 5 feet from me, nose-deep in a 600 page USMLE book reading about infections in your butt.
Accurate:
What's great about missing him is when we finally get a date night, or some time alone. His attention is 100% on me and I can try to strip some of the stress he has billowing inside. It also allows him to air his frustrations and vent about whatever questions he had on his board prep.
I am learning - slowly - how to appreciate every second of my marriage. Even on days where I get texts about how I left something open, or I didn't turn the fans off in our room (*cough cough get over it cough cough*) I will never stop smiling about the fact that there is someone there to do that. Someone to call me to a higher standard of living, a higher standard of the person I am meant to be.
I think we sometimes forget that marriage is not always love and fairy tales. When we marry someone who challenges us, especially someone who challenges the marriage itself, it makes us grow. Growing is uncomfortable.
Ben challenges me daily. He especially challenges me in my spiritual life, and is such a wonderful role model. I am so excited that our 2 year anniversary is so close, and we are battling one of the most challenging times in his medical school journey.
Most days we find ourselves saying, "Well, when we have a house," or "When we have kids..."
I am almost always certain that I will look back on these days and wish time slowed down. That's why I'm choosing to live in each and every moment.
It will all be so worth it!
I love you, Ben Burnham <3
xoxoxo
Tay
