You Know He's Going to Leave You, Right?
I saw a post from the Married to Doctors Instagram account the other day that really boiled my blood. You can find it here.
Basically, a doctor's wife was told that her husband was one day going to leave her for a "cute nurse". I really felt angry to my core due to the fact that statements like this have been said to me, too.
I decided I was going to write about how I felt instead of letting it fester and turn into something unhealthy.
I think our culture is so consumed in infidelity and affairs that it's hard to understand anything else.
Oh, he's a doctor? He will DEFINITELY cheat on you. No doubt.
Oh, he's a resident? Have you SEEN Grey's Anatomy??
Yes, the divorce rates have sky rocketed in general.
Yes, studies have shown that careers in the medical field have a higher divorce rate.
Yes, some studies even show a higher infidelity rate due to having high-stress careers (I.E. medicine).
My question is, what gives you the right to pre-assume that my husband, or anyone's spouse in the field, will ultimately cheat on their husband or wife or choose to leave them due to these statistics and factors? You don't know me, nor do you know my husband or what his beliefs are. Your comments about his character and, the nonchalant tilt towards my naivety, are both rude and unnecessary.
Get your head out of your Grey's-Anatomy-bingeing ass.
Someone once told me that I was ignorant for marrying so young, and that marriage is hard. (No...really??)
They then went on to say exactly what the woman in Married to Doctors said someone said to her - that I was going to support him through medical school just for him to cheat with someone else and leave me.
I didn't really know how to respond at the time, so I shut down. I didn't really think anyone would ever say something like that to me out loud. Behind my back, sure. Maybe.
I remember another time when someone told me that their friend had just gotten married to a medical student, and they were signing divorce papers a few weeks later.
I'm no expert, but there was probably another issue there that we didn't know about.
I guess I'm just confused as to what these statements people made were trying to get me to say/do. Was I supposed to jump up out of my chair and say, "you're right! I'll break up with him right now."
All the statements these people made were able to do was fill my head with self doubt, and lower my self esteem. They weren't telling me something I didn't already know - nor were they helping.
Why are women constantly told they aren't going to be good enough? Who is to say that I won't get tired of Ben and leave him? (Even though I never would...)
I'm not denying the statistics, nor am I denying the fact that these things do happen. I'm just saying, it doesn't mean your comments will change my decision to marry him or stick with him through school and beyond.
Something that I think Ben and I have that is different than most couples is our strong faith. Christ is the center of our relationship, and He has been since we've met. Ben and I chose to commit ourselves to one another on our wedding day, forever. No matter what. That is what our faith teaches us - that the sacrament of marriage is a holy thing and is a commitment before God that no man should come in between. Even a cute nurse (which I don't really think will happen but hey I can't predict the future!)
We are not perfect. I'm sure as our marriage progresses, things will happen. I will not allow comments from people sway my trust in my husband or make me question his morality and self-control, however.
People of strong faith divorce sometimes, too. And you know what? I'm not going to judge them. I'm not going to think, "wow, they really couldn't make it work?" That's not my place. And it isn't yours to judge my relationship either.
My focus is on my husband. He is my best friend. We tell each other everything. Unfortunately, things in my past have lowered my trust in men in general. I am NOT naive to the words men say and the way they can play some women like a fiddle. I was a brick wall when I first met Ben. I assumed he was talking to many other women, because that's what I figured a relationship was going to be like for me.
Until he showed me otherwise.
I think that sometimes, people who make comments like this have good intentions. Some of the people to say these things are the people who are supposed to love me the most. I know that they are only trying to be protective, and that's okay.
Most of the comments we received (to our faces anyway) were messages of support and love and kindness. And that's wonderful.
I do, however, think there is a tone of maliciousness in people who say things like this for no reason. They want to rile you up, and make you feel "less-than".
I'm not here for that, nor do I have time for it. I decided to blog and share our story both through medicine and through marriage. I may get a few negative messages from time to time, but that's okay! I just want to share a joyful journey - a very tough journey at that.
If you have any advice for me - by all means, share it! But keep the ugly comments and judgements to yourself.
Thank you to everyone who has supported us up until now. Ben takes step 1 of his boards in a few days and we are SO pumped for him to be finished.
I am going to be a supportive wife through thick and thin, to a man who has never made me feel "less-than".
Praying for you all!
-Tay
