Guest Post: Support During a Mid-Med Crisis
This guest post comes from Dee, whose boyfriend is a (soon-to-be) second year medical student. Just like me, she decided to find the humor in what can often be a lonely 4 years for med student S/O's and spouses. She decided to create an instagram account (@crazymedschoolgf) that provides some comic relief during the hard parts of dating a medical student.
Dee provided some great advice in her post on how to support your S/O, especially in the middle of their medical school journey. I love her sense of humor and how she is able to see the light at the end of a very long tunnel. I also think her writing can be related to anyone who is struggling to support a partner during a difficult time, med school or not. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!
(If you would like to be featured on White Coat Wife, message me! I'd love to feature you.)
SEND HELP
Mental breakdowns, mid-med school crises and monster blocks are bound to happen. Whether your s/o is struggling to pass exams or at the top of the class, there will be times of major doubt. Your job will be to listen, build them up, and reinforce that you support them through thick and thin. If you’re like me, your natural reaction to a meltdown might look something like this:
If you need some help becoming your most supportive self, look no further. Here are 7 ways you can support your s/o during his/her mental breakdown:
1. Listen
Start the healing process by asking them to let it all out. Although studies actually show that venting usually doesn’t help (#science), I know from personal experience that it’s the necessary first step to getting through med school breakdowns. Your partner will need their stress validated and encouragement from an “outsider” after a long day of pretending everything is fine in front of competitive classmates. Whatever you do, DO NOT try to find the “silver lining” of the situation they’re in – just be an active listener and acknowledge how much it sucks.
2. Be patient
It’s possible that your partner will want to get through the tough time on his/her own. If you’re like me, every fiber in your body will want to reject this option. It’s important to respect what they need and to give them space WITHOUT TAKING IT PERSONALLY.
3. Step up with chores
Chances are your partner is probably stretched pretty thin. If you’re not in a long distance relationship, you can help by taking over some of their household chores for a bit. The big three in my opinion are laundry, cooking meals, and simple tidying up - it can make a huge difference to come home to a well-organized space. Here are some ideas of meals that can be stored in the freezer (they will love you for this):
If you’re supporting your s/o from a distance, ordering them takeout or sending a care package of snacks and an encouraging note will do wonders.
4. Be positive
After letting your s/o vent or take space, it’s important to build them up. Like I said above, this does not mean bringing up silver linings of their situation. The best thing to do is remind him/her of how deserving they are and how much they’ve gone through to get where they are. Every year, acceptance rates DECREASE, meaning as an MS1, they had to go through the most rigorous and selective process to get in to medical school. Find the average acceptance rate for their school and use that as a motivator.
5. Encourage self-care
In times of crisis, people have a tendency to focus on their stress and lose track of self-care. Remind them gently that a good way to relax is to treat yourself to some quality relaxation time, whether is be in the form of a full night’s sleep, exercising, taking a long warm bath (do not let them de-prioritize personal hygiene in these times of high stress!), or catching up on a favorite TV show. In my opinion, getting outside and doing something active is the best way to let out stress.
6. Plan a fun distraction
Though this is highly dependent on time, a great way to be supportive is by planning a fun distraction. If you both happen to have a weekend, a day, or even a couple of hours, take the opportunity to plan something fun that your s/o loves to do. Some things that I’ve planned include a weekend getaway to Disney World (my boyfriend’s school is in FL), a day trip to a local beach, a movie theater date and a fun nature walk.
7. Suggest on-campus resources
If your significant other’s stress seems worse than usual or more than either of you can handle, it might be worth researching if his/her school has on-campus resources for stress management. Make sure to communicate that it’s normal to be stressed in medical school and that the resources would not be there if people did not regularly utilize them.
If you have any tips or questions on how to help your s/o through major medical school stress, leave a comment or check out the AMA page if you have specific questions for me!
-Dee
*If your significant other or anyone you know has expressed suicidal thoughts or a desire to harm themselves, visit https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org or call 1-800-273-8255.
Check out Dee's hilarious Instagram page here !!
