Guest Post: A Fly on the Wall - Social Media Made Me a Victim of Comparison
This guest post comes from a good friend of mine, another woman named Taylor! Her husband Jon became fast friends with Ben while in college. They joined the same household, loved the same sports and had an identical sense of humor. I spent a majority of my freshman year with these two men, affectionately calling Jon our "Holy Spirit" since he came with Ben and I everywhere. He even joined us on our 6 month anniversary breakfast date ;)
Taylor was a Sports Medicine Assistant with Ben during college, so we all ran in the same circles. Jon and Taylor met and fell in love while we were entering our junior year. Jon was a year older, so he graduated before all of us. He was entering Chiropractic school in Missouri shortly after, and he and Taylor began a long-distance relationship. I saw first hand how difficult post-grad life relationships could be. I know how much Jon wished he was back with Taylor on campus, but he was working hard and striving to be a good student, and one day, a good doctor. After Taylor graduated, the two were married in Indiana and we were lucky enough to attend their wedding. Jon is finishing up his last year in Chiropractic school (wow) and we are really excited for their future.
Taylor reached out to me about the topic of comparison, and I think it rings true about a lot of relationships. It's hard not to compare yours to another, especially when married to a student. You feel like you're just a few steps behind everyone else and it can brew an ugly jealousy. Social Media does nothing to help this, since we get an in-depth look at people's lives like never before. We become a fly on the wall of their personal lives. On top of that, we only see the good stuff - so we tend to feel as though our lives will never be as good as theirs. I hope you enjoy her words of wisdom!
Have y’all every heard of COMPARISON? You know, that thing you do when you scroll through social media in the morning and think thoughts like:
“Wow! They just moved into their first house. Dang I wish we had a house.”
“She is so vegan and healthy, and I just ate Chick-Fil-A twice this week…”
“Why won’t my hair curl exactly like that?”
“They went to Paris for their honeymoon? Why didn’t we go to Paris?”
“No matter how many squats I do, my legs won’t look like hers.”
“Her prayer life is better than mine…”
“Why doesn’t my dog behave well like theirs?”
“Her skin is perfect.”
“She has superb aesthetic on Instagram.”
And so on and so forth until suddenly your feeling slightly depressed in a matter of minutes and you haven’t even gotten out of bed yet. If you don’t do this, I am sincerely happy for you and wish that I didn’t struggle so much with it (see I’m doing it again! Haha.) Yet, honestly, I feel like in our social media driven society, most people struggle with comparing their lives to others. It's something that just seeps into our thoughts and pokes holes in our self-confidence and everyday joy, becoming a huge burden before we even realize what's happening.
I started to notice this begin to take over my life when I got engaged. When my now husband first popped the question, I was over the moon about my shiny new accessory and the fact that I got to marry the man of my dreams (obviously!) But as more people around me began to get engaged and I saw their rings; some with bigger center diamonds than mine, some with halo settings, some with super fancy mounts; my own ring seemed to have slightly less sparkle.
Then we got married. The day was PERFECT and the photos our photographer captured are beautiful. But sure enough, a few months after our wedding, as my Facebook feed filled with more and more wedding pictures, I began to ask myself questions like: “Why didn’t we do that pose or combination of people?” As I attended more weddings, I found myself comparing them to our wedding and wishing we would have done certain things differently. The wonderful memories and the gorgeous photos that came from my own wedding all started to fall second.
More recently as I saw many people my age buying houses and starting families, our tiny one-bedroom apartment that I was so pumped to move into with my new husband suddenly started to feel cramped and stuffy. Yet, it also feels sort of quiet and like something was missing without any sweet babies.
I found myself starting to feel empty inside, slightly more emotional than usual, and just overall less joyful.
WHY?
Because….
Comparison breeds regret and, in my opinion, constant regret puts you on the fast track to living an unfulfilling life.
Wow, just writing out that last sentence hit me like a ton of bricks.
But it is SO TRUE! Once I realized what I was doing, I realized how often I was doing it and how easily it snowballed and affected my every day thoughts and mood.
Some people may have recognized this and taken a fast from social media to escape from it (and if that has worked for you, I am SO GLAD), but I like social media and I wanted to retrain my brain to not constantly compare myself and my life to others. So instead, whenever I find myself starting to compare myself to someone or wish I had something that one of my Facebook friends has, I ask God to show me one thing in my life to be thankful for. And boy, has He shown me…
I’m thankful for my husband who works his butt off in chiropractic school for the good of our future family. Our puppy who always keeps us on our toes with his rambunctious behavior. Getting married young. My loving and crazy family (and in-laws). Being in good health. Coconut ice cream (because I’m lactose intolerant). Lazy Saturday mornings. Laughing. The sunshine. My job. God’s love and unrelenting grace. And yes, even my tiny one bedroom apartment.
I still have a long way to go, but I have noticed a huge change in how I view myself and my life in relation to other people. I have become more grateful for the season of life that I am in, and I am just happier in general.
Don’t fall victim to living an unfulfilling life of comparison and regret…you’re better than that. You were made for more than that.
I’ll leave you with one of my favorite quotes from the Bible…
Romans 12:2.
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may prove what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect.”
Thank you, Taylor, for your vulnerability and wise words! I think we are all guilty of being a slave to social media in some aspect and wondering, "what if?"
If you'd like to have a guest post on White Coat Wife, shoot me a message in the About section. I'd love to feature you!
Thanks for reading, <3
-Tay
