What Post Malone Taught Me About Marriage

If you are a follower but not necessarily a close friend, you wouldn't know that I have a strange love for rap music. More specifically, Post Malone. No, I don't love all of his music. No, I don't have his poster on my wall (do people still do that?) And no, I haven't even been to one of his concerts (and I probably never will.)

What I do love is his personality, and his ability to integrate all types of genres of music into the same song. Not to mention the fact that part of his rap name is based off of his favorite character from "The Office."

His most recent album, beerbongs & bentleys, came out last week. I've been playing most of the songs on repeat, analyzing his words and the different "moods" that are transcribed in each melody. There's a lot more to this rapper than "effing hoes and poppin' pills".

I was first drawn to the fact that his album is called "beerbongs & bentleys". One would think his album would be about his new lavish life and all the wonderful things he has achieved at a mere 22 years old.

In reality, more than half of his songs are about either a lost love, his sadness at his newfound richness and ~loneliness~, or his anxiety-induced paranoia that plagues him into a state of distrust and denial among friends.

Dang.

Ben has listened to a few songs with me and claims that "he's mumbling too much." Which, he is, in retrospect. He's probably so drunk and/or high while recording this album that getting words out was difficult. Boo.

I think a lot of celebrities are so drawn to the life of the rich and famous that they drown in the lifestyle. Post is really honest in his lyrics about what this means:

"Tell me why I can't get no relief

wondering when they will come for me

a paranoid man makes paranoid plans

I do what I can but it's out of my hands

struggling just to find my peace"

Mind you...he's only 22!!!! I find the honesty in his lyrics to be comforting, and it gives me another person to pray for. He's a really talented artist, who I can tell is struggling internally, like a lot of us are, from his music.

So...what does this have to do with my marriage??

Looking at Post Malone's album cover for beerbongs & bentleys, we see a bright yellow CD case with a shiny car and barbed wire tracing the plastic.

This is a perfect example of "don't judge a book by its cover."

From my point of view, Post is shielding himself from his own feelings, and protecting his image of a "hard-core white rapper looking for the next place he can buy drugs from." KEEP OUT is an accurate depiction of the image.

Inside the album are his true feelings - revealed through music. He's not afraid of what people have to say about who he is - as long as what he feels is said through his lyrics.

Unfortunately, I think Ben and I experience this type of shielding in our marriage. We are so focused on protecting each other. "I don't want to burden him with this today." "I can't tell her that, she'll get worried." It's a constant shielding, masking, protecting. This turns into lashing out, some white lies, and even secrets.

Our feelings and emotions have to be channeled somewhere, right? Post is lucky enough to express it in his music. Ben can channel himself into his studies. I have discovered that I can channel it into my workouts. In the past, however, I would have channeled it into something extremely negative. My feelings would stay locked up - KEEP OUT was written across my forehead in dripping red. I would have allowed myself to spiral into a depression or panic attack before letting anyone know what was going on.

In one of his songs called "Stay", Post is fighting for a relationship to work. He writes:

"Can we have a little conversation? Figure it out with no intoxication We carry on, what is our motivation? We're never wrong, how the hell we gonna make it?"

Post is vulnerable about how him and the other person are stubborn and never admit that they're wrong. Their fighting will never cease if neither of them can let down their walls and figure out the real reason they are in a relationship in the first place. This is a perfect example of two people who are protecting themselves; building walls that will never come crashing down. There is no good end to any relationship like this.

Just the other day, I came home from work in a bad mood. I tried to stay in that bad mood. Nobody - NOBODY - would bring me out of it. I had a right to feel this way. Everything SUCKED.

Minutes after I walked into Ben's office and laid on the guest bed, huffing and puffing, he turned and looked at me with a goofy face. He jumped on the bed and started telling jokes and making funny faces until I laughed. Bad mood over.

My barbed wire, I decided, is only up to protect other people. Or so I tell myself. I don't want to burden people with the crap going on upstairs. Especially in a medical marriage, Ben's brain is already so FULL. Why should he care what's going on with me?

Marriage should not be this way. When you say "I do", you're saying I do to EVERYTHING.

I do love you, no matter what. I do want to know what great thing happened last week.

I do want to know what is bothering you today. I do want to hear the bad things you've been keeping from me. I do want to know your frustrations. I do want to see how big the booger is that you blew into the napkin (not really but ok).

Barbed wire has no place in a marriage. Neither does putting on a fake face, masking how you truly feel about something. It's really easy to make your spouse keep out, so let's try letting them in for a change. Post Malone could probably take some of that advice as well.

- Tay