Didn't Know Who I Was S'posed to Be...My Thoughts on T-Swift's New Album
I can remember sitting in a car after track practice, below freezing temperatures outside, blowing hot air into my hands. It was dark, but only a little past 5:30pm. It was January. January 6th to be exact - my 15th birthday.
My best friends were so excited to sing me our favorite song, "Fifteen" by Taylor Swift.
They huddled in the back seat of the car, pressuring our older friend/driver to put T-Swift's CD in the CD player (LOL, remember those?)
The twang of that familiar guitar strung through the car, making us giggle with delight.
"You take a deep breath and you walk through the doors it's the morning of your very first day......Cus when you're FIFTEEN!!!! AND SOMEBODY TELLS YOU THEY LOVE YOU, YOU'RE GONNA BELIEVE THEM!!!!!!!!!!"
We sang at the top of our lungs. We loved this song. Like, really loved this song. We resonated with every single line.
Every single lyric tugged on our heartstrings. Taylor had a way of making us all feel like for once, we weren't all different. We were all feeling the same things in the same place at the same time.
The same morning of my fifteenth birthday, I awoke to another twang of a familiar guitar. It was my dad, bellowing this song to me as I awoke from my slumber. Even he loved Taylor Swift. He took me to her concert and sometimes I thought he knew more of the lyrics than I did.
"Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday but I realized some bigger dreams of mine..."
I always loved that line in the song. It made so much sense because when we're 15, we're big eyed and boy crazy. Especially for me, who was constantly searching for the perfect guy to trick into marrying me. After a few not-so-serious boyfriends, I decided I did have bigger dreams in mind.
The point is, being fifteen is not easy for anyone. I don't know any 15 year old who has their shit together.
With T-Swift, I feel like she's grown up with us. She's basically been able to write out how teenagers and grown women have felt FOREVER. From break ups, to family drama, to being with someone we truly love. She's been there through it all, her lyrics telling stories that we're too afraid to tell. Her uncanny ability to make these songs be actually catchy is a cherry on top.
BUT.
Her most recent album, reputation, tears me in two pieces. No, I have not purchased it, because I'm cheap. I'll probably wait until it's on spotify which is what I pay for. I love her as an artist, and from what I've known of her over the past 10 years, I feel like we'd be friends since we're awkward and stuff.
But, from what I've heard of the album, it's about 50% her current love life which sounds fantastic, 30% revenge and clapback towards all those who have wronged her, and about 20% going back to her roots - the sweet girl we grew up with.
King of my Heart is especially my favorite, since a lot of times throughout the song I think about Ben and how much he has done for me in my short amount of time on this Earth.
It makes me feel like I'm back in that freezing car with my best friends, giggling and shivering over feelings put into words. Feelings I couldn't ever put on paper.
And I really wish more songwriters would hold onto that piece of magic. You have to be really talented to make people feel that way, and T-Swift has done it countless times. I appreciate and admire that she's got so much courage and confidence to write exactly how she feels. Even if, at times, it can sound whiny or dramatic.
I just really wish she hadn't changed herself to do it.
Where are her long curls and cute lipstick shades?? What's with all the dark stuff? What's with the swear words and the innuendos and the black outfits?? - my first thought
Tay, she's 27 years old. Her lyrics are mild comparatively to other people even younger than her. - my second thought.
But she's TAYLOR FREAKIN SWIFT. Her sweetness makes her who she issssssss. Even her meanest song called "mean" was cute and NICE. - my third thought.
But this beat is so sick...and Kim and Kanye deserve it!!!!!!!! - my fourth thought.
I guess Taylor's mission was a success. Get people to really think about who she is as an artist, and what her music means to them. As much as I'm not a fan of her newfound anger and revenge hysteria, I'm loving her new sound (for the most part) and ability to stay somewhat level-headed.
Her roots are still intact as we can see from her beautiful tribute of "New Years Day" to Jimmy Fallon's late mother.
They're still in tact when she invited fans from around the world to listen to her album before it came out during her "secret sessions".
T-Swiftyyyy is still in there somewhere, under all of the anger and resentment.
Whenever I get anxious, something that really calms me down is rap music. Since I was in college, focusing on what rappers are saying (and not looking up the lyrics) has helped me focus on something different than what I'm anxious about at the time.
I don't necessarily love the lyrics or the message half the time, but the beat, the complication of rhymes, and the voice of the rapper make my mind spin into a different place.
With T-Swift, she's always elevated me to that level of calm without even having to try. "Oh, I'm not the only one feeling this way? Cool. I'm good."
If you're a songwriter - please continue to put your heart and soul on paper. Hearts are forever changed by it. Write about it, but don't let it define your whole persona. Be true to you, and your fans will thank you for it.
Especially fifteen year old friends in a frozen car.
-Tay
