Haiti: Get out of the Boat.

If any of you follow me on social media, you know that last week I was in Les Cayes, Haiti, visiting Pwoje Espwa (Project Hope). This is an orphanage my family became involved with 5 years ago. My dad takes a group of teens from our Church, and one of my siblings, to the orphanage every summer. This year, I went with my dad, my brother, and my husband.

Back in January, when my dad first started talking about this year's trip, Ben told me he started his second year of school in early August, so we wouldn't be able to go. A few weeks later, he said, "Hey Tay, we can go to Haiti now! I don't start school until the 21st!" He hugged me and expected to see a huge smile form across my face. I wasn't pumped.

When I first visited Haiti in 2014, I had such anxiety about the trip that I landed in the hospital a few days before we left. Don't get me wrong, I was extremely excited for the adventure. Relational ministry is my favorite type of ministry. However, my thoughts never slowed down. I was in constant fear that something would go horribly, horribly wrong. I spoke with a priest about my thoughts that the plane would go down. "Then that's God's will." He said. I spoke with my dad about getting into a car accident during the 5 hour bus ride to Les Cayes. "Then we get into a car accident." He said. I spoke to Ben about there being a hurricane or other natural disaster, or something out of my control. "Then it's out of your control." He said.

None of their words comforted me, as you can tell.

But then, I got to Haiti. I held the orphans. I visited La Cherite (Mother Theresa's Charity House) where people with disabilities had been thrown away and forgotten about. I shook the hands of women and men who had AIDS or HIV. I kissed the babies who were malnourished or abused. I swam in the trash-ridden ocean. I spoke broken creole to the man asking for money. I was so uncomfortable, yet I found comfort in my transgressions.

I once read an article about how people who go on these one week mission trips and feel like they are changing the world are wasting their time. The children in these third-world countries don't need us, "we need them" to make us feel good about ourselves. For Ben, Haiti was uncomfortable for him. He's used to mission trips that involve sun up to sun down work. Labor intensive days of building homes or working in clinics. Having time to just play with the children and love them was not work for him. I can understand that.

When Ben and I returned home from this years trip, we had a long discussion about what Haiti meant to us. Ben thought Espwa had a beautiful mission. He loved the children, and getting to spend half a day in the clinic was fun for him. He enjoyed the food, the culture, and the getting to daily mass. He said that even though it wasn't what he was used too, he found purpose in his uncomfortable feelings. He saw a fresh kind of a ministry.

My disagreement lies in a few places. Yes, one week mission trips might not change the world. However, it's because of these "one week" trips that some of the boys at Pwoje Espwa now live in America, attending our colleges and getting their degrees. It is because of these "one week" trips that most of the children have sponsors, and are able to go to school in Les Cayes and get a meal every day. It is because of these "one week" trips that multiple applications come through every year for Guest House Managers, two people who live in Haiti for a year and coordinate visitors schedules and so much more. It is also because of these "one week" trips that people's hearts are changed about who God is, and what faith we are called to believe.

I also disagree that visiting a place like Pwoje Espwa is a waste of time. Some might say that these children already have abandonment issues and for us to visit for a week and leave is detrimental to them. I can see why some may think that. Pwoje Espwa is lucky to have visitors (most of the time) back to back. It is such a great organization, and people from all over the world come to visit almost weekly. The children have love, a roof over their head, and a meal every day, thanks to these visitors and their support.

But are we helping, or harming?

If we chose to visit Pwoje Espwa and build their domes, paint their houses, plant their gardens, and stock up their clinic with medications - yeah, we'd feel pretty good about ourselves at the end of the week.

But what happens when we do this? We leave Haitian people uneducated on how to live a sustainable lifestyle. It's almost like we are doing things for them, so they never have to learn how to do it. Espwa hires Haitian people to build the domes. Espwa hires Haitian people to plant the gardens. Espwa thrives from teaching Haitians how to live on their own, and how to provide for their families. It gives them jobs, and the education they need to continue to be sustainable.

That is why the mission is so important. We may not be doing physically laboring things all day every day, but we are teaching the locals how to do it efficiently. What we are doing, is giving the attention to the ones who need it the most.

One night, while we sat in the chapel, my dad said some thing that stuck with me. In each of the boys' and girls' homes, there is a house mother. She is hired to take care of them like they are her own children. He said that they make sure the child is fed, washed, and cared for. But there are so many of them, it is hard for the house mother to see each and every one of them. Imagine having 300 brothers and sisters, and your mom taking care of all of them. Would you feel unnoticed? Our job is to notice each and every one of them.

One little boy, Sony, remembered me from all those years ago. Every time I walked into the village, I would cry out for him, and he would run to me, arms flailing. I would scoop him up and he would lay his head on my shoulder. I stared up at the sky, holding this beautiful boy, thanking God for that very moment. There are no other words to describe that joyful feeling. The uncomfortable feelings I had - the heat, the flea bites, the foreign food, the long travel days - they were all worth it for this moment.

This past Sunday's reading was about Jesus walking on the water. He called out to Peter to join him, but Peter was afraid. He stepped out onto the ocean, but because of his fear, he began to sink. He called out for Jesus to save him. Jesus asks him, "Why do you doubt?" Jesus saves Peter from drowning.

When we doubt God and His plans for us, we will sink. When we join Him on the water, we will never drown. Being in Haiti again left me wondering why I was ever scared to go in the first place. God has never let me drown before. All I had to do was get out of the boat.

PS- thank you to everyone who donated to this amazing mission. Without your help, I could have never walked on water :) We love you.

-Tay

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