The Brutal Truth of Natural Family Planning {NFP Awareness Week Edition}

Yesterday, I found out that this week is NFP Awareness Week. I'm not one for "Awareness" weeks because usually things that we are trying to make people "aware" of are already well known items/places/things/etc.

What I do know is, half of the people who follow this blog or my social media do not know what NFP means, let alone what it stands for. So, here is your awareness.

NFP stands for Natural Family Planning, and it is the...well...natural way for planning children. It rejects birth control, IVF, abortifacients, etc. No hormones, no side effects, nada. It requires the woman to check her temperature every day while simultaneously tracking her mucus patterns (if you choose the sympto-thermal method).

The first thing people think of when they hear this is WHA?

They think it's old school, that it doesn't work, and that it's for people who are okay with having hundreds of children. Frankly, it's got a bad rap in secular society.

I understand why. It's not easy. It's probably one of the most complicated things I have ever introduced into my life. It's also frustrating for people who were not given the correct tools to learn it properly, and therefore do it incorrectly and conceive when they were trying to postpone pregnancy.

It also works both ways. People who are diagnosed infertile use this method in order to have a higher chance of achieving pregnancy. Many have turned out successful, one way or another.

As for us, Ben and I are trying our best to delay pregnancy. This isn't easy. I've wanted a baby since I held my first little sister in my arms and realized that these cute, squishy human beings could come from me one day. We prayed about it before we got married and realized that it would be best to postpone a pregnancy as long as we can while he's in school.

There are times when we'll be sitting at mass and a baby will be in the pew in front of us. We'll giggle and look at each other, but we can see the heart ache in each other's eyes. We can feel it in our bones. We want to be parents. Good thing we have 2 adorable nephews to ease our baby fever!

That being said, I know a lot of couples who have recently found out that they are unable to have children for medical reasons such as infertility. I can't even imagine what that is like and my heart goes out to them. It gives me hope, though, that NFP is an option, at least for some, and has been able to give women the gift of children on many occasions. It also hurts to know that there are so many people out there suffering, who have no idea what NFP is. They turn to their doctors for help, and their doctors don't even know about it!

I have actually explained to many medical professionals what NFP is in the past, and they have no idea. It's like a foreign phenomenon that was not taught to them in medical school, and yet it is the safest, most scientific pregnancy achiever/postponer on the market. This is crazy!

Just a few months ago, my co-workers and I, two female friends, were discussing the pains of a monthly cycle. One girl said that she hadn't had a period since she was 12, since she started birth control then and would just keep taking the pills, skipping over the last week and continuing to the next pack.

They both asked me what kind of birth control I used. When I answered, "none," they looked at me like a deer in the headlights. "But, you're married?" One of them said. "Yeah, I use Natural Family Planning."

That spun into an entirely new conversation. It was really eye opening to them that there was another course of action out there for people trying to avoid pregnancy (or achieve).

One girl brought up how birth control helped her acne. I understand that birth control is used for a variety of things, but I encourage you to listen to at least the preview of this podcast if you are looking for a reason to get off of it.

Now I'd like to get to the harsh reality - the truth of practicing NFP.

Like I said in the beginning, practicing NFP is not easy. I charted for 9 months before I got married and I was still confused. Good thing Ben has such a logical way of thinking, because he was able to pick things out of my signs that I would have never noticed.

Here is a simplified version of how this works:

1) NFP has three phases.

Phase 1 is during a woman's menstrual cycle. Depending on the woman, this can last from 3-7 days. Or more, or less! Her temperature is supposed to be low, usually between 96.8-97.5 degrees. (Again, this depends on the woman. When you chart for awhile, you see how your body works!)

Phase 2 is the woman's fertile phase. It's important that the woman take careful note of her mucus signs (dry, stretchy, wet, tacky, slippery, etc.) during this phase, as it shows when her actual day of ovulation might be.

This is great for people who are trying to achieve a pregnancy, since they can tell exactly which day would be best to try and get pregnant. My mother- in - law, who was our NFP teacher, said it best: "When things are wet in the forest, that's when they grow!" You're at your most fertile when mucus is wet and slippery. Things are a-growin'! (And no, it wasn't weird that my mother and father-in-law were our teachers. They are medical professionals doing their job. We highly recommend them ;) )

During phase 2, the woman's temperature will slowly creep up. I've had months where my temperature spikes up super high super fast. Once the temperature has spiked and coincided with more "dry" mucus days, you're heading towards phase 3. After 3 days of high temperatures, all after peak day, which is your highest sign of cervical mucus, you're in phase 3! AGAIN - ALL WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT! There is a lot more to this. If you are interested in learning more about this process, please find a certified teacher. I am not one :)

Phase 3 is party time for people who are trying to postpone. The woman has passed her chances of conceiving and it has a 99.6% success rate for STM users. That is a higher rate than condoms and IUD's! And with no side effects, holla. As the woman nears closer to menstruation, her temperature will drop significantly again, and phase 1 will start. If the woman is pregnant, her temperature will stay high.

I don't know about you, but this stuff is cool. Some people might read this and be like "WHOA, that's gross. I'm not doing that." I concur, some things are gross, but doable! It's a great way to get out of your comfort zone every day and force yourself to do something you might be unfamiliar with. I have been charting for almost a year and a half and the things I have learned about my body are amazing.

I had a very stressful month this past April and looking at my chart, my body reflected it! I had a super long phase 2, which led to a short phase 3, which led to a messed up phase 1 in May. Incredible!

Abstaining in phase 2 really sucks sometimes, to be honest. To be brutally honest, it REALLY SUCKS! It requires husband and wife to abstain from sex and can really take its toll, especially on husbands. Sleeping in the same bed is even a temptation, something that is so natural and harmless!

Sometimes, when Phase 3 comes around, I'm not in the mood. We're both tired. Just because we are in phase 3 doesn't mean everything magically changes and life stops - because it doesn't. It can lead to frustration and hurt and questioning. We sometimes ask, "Why did God put this type of responsibility in our lap?"

On the other hand, I have noticed a lot of things in my marriage, specifically with Ben, that have made it extremely fruitful. Every morning at 5:45, Ben hands me my thermometer. I take my temperature, hand it back to him, and he marks it on the chart. On our wedding night, I had put my chart next to me on the bedside table. He asked me if he could put it next to him. "But I need to mark my temperature in the morning," I said. I was so used to doing it by myself. "Tay, we're in this together. I'll do it." Since then, Ben has done more work than me in that department. The fact that my husband knows everything about me, even down the the temperature of my body every day, is beautiful. He asks me gross questions, studies my mucus patters on my chart, etc. His involvement in my body and in my health is amazing. Talk about becoming ONE FREAKIN' FLESH!

He also does not expect me to take birth control, or put harmful chemicals in my body, in order for him to fulfill his needs when he so desires. This is probably the most difficult for him, yet most rewarding. He has not reduced my worth, because there is no way too. He has learned such self control and has treated me differently ever since learning this method. He sees my body and our marital union as something to be cherished.

I, too, have been changed. It's my responsibility to be mindful of my body every single day. I can't slack, I can't take a day off. I'm constantly vigilant and I have to have an open line of communication with my husband. There is no pressure, there is no resentment, there is no using of one another.

This is not a simple topic to bring up at the dinner table, especially with people who are curious. There are always a ton of questions. "But what if you get pregnant???" "But you're married, you should have sex whenever you want!!!" "Doesn't that get tedious??"

We've heard it all. We don't care. We love it.

A few months ago, FACTS about fertility, a network of health care providers, reached out to Ben to become a student ambassador for NFP. They wanted him to join them at conventions, and possibly speak to other medical students about using it in their practices. He was excited, and accepted. We also hope to be NFP teachers one day.

Practicing NFP is not for the faint of heart. Yes, it's expected to be practiced in Catholic marriages especially, but it isn't always. Not all Catholics have the facts, or want them.

NFP is also for people who don't have any religion. Sadly, since it is mostly rejected by secular society, not a lot of people are aware of the benefits and therefore don't practice it. I really encourage anyone who is interested to do research. There are also physicians including OB/GYN docs who only use NFP methods. (My father-in-law included).

For anyone who has really been struggling, and wants to know more, I'm happy to answer any questions. I will be completely honest with you. I will be vulnerable, and open. Please feel free to reach out. This is also the couple to couple league website that gives you any information to get started.

Thank you for reading this, and I hope I shed some light on such a complicated topic. Please also watch the video below. It made me cry and I'm so thankful for this wonderful thing called life.

- Tay

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