Sacrificial Joy

Friday night, Ben and I sat at our favorite "local" - Great Lakes Brewing Company. If any of you follow me on social media you know that we're there many days out of the month because we just love it. The atmosphere, the freaking delicious fries, and of course - the beer. I wasn't in too much of a "beer" mood on Friday, since my stress-induced heart burn was screaming at me to tone it down with the alcohol. So I obviously grabbed a gin and tonic instead (oops.)

I ran my fingers up and down the sides of the cold glass, watching the condensation drip onto the cool wooden high top. Ben was watching the Indians, and I was watching him. He was in his happy place. Great Lakes in Cleveland, watching his favorite baseball team with his favorite beer and favorite person (I hope) while on a break from his favorite medical school. For some reason, his happiness was mine. I am happy.

A lot of people nowadays push women to be independent. "Find your own happiness." "You don't need a man to fulfill you." "Get a career first, then get married." I've heard it all. Frankly, I see why they say it.

I've been married for almost a year (wow) and I understand I have a lot to learn. But what I have learned is clear: Sharing your entire life with another person is exhausting. It's messy and frustrating and not 100% gratifying. Sacrifices have to be made, whether we like it or not.

I think most people have this vision in their heads about when they get married, that all of their problems will dissolve and they can take on anything because they're with their significant other. Nope. I never thought that way. I knew there would be hardships. I knew not everything would be rainbows and butterflies. But I do know one thing - I have never felt this kind of joy before in my life. Sacrificial Joy is what I'll call it.

We've had some really hard discussions about sacrifices. What I sacrifice for him to be in medical school. What he sacrifices for me to be able to do what I want. It's constantly a 100/100...never a 50/50. Marriage is give and take. In making Ben happy, I'm happy, and vice versa.

I'm not going to say that my happiness relies solely on Ben. that would be entirely false. I'm just saying that I think sacrificial joy is a real feeling. It's the joy that I think Jesus' followers felt when they gave up everything to be with Him. It's the joy a new mama has that encompasses her when her baby is born - everything she needs and wants is put on hold for this tiny human that she adores. It's the joy many people miss out on because they are consumed with themselves, and they are scared of it.

Here's examples of the sacrificial joy I'm talking about:

A big one - Our wedding. It was in my hometown, with MOSTLY my family and friends, since some of Ben's relatives couldn't make it from Ohio. Ben found joy knowing that we had our wedding in the place that I was leaving, and he was making me happy.

A little one - Ben gave me the one parking spot in our garage so that I wouldn't have to scrape off my car in the winter.

A big one - I moved to Cleveland so that Ben could start his medical career. So much sacrificed yet so much joy.

A little one - I wanted Cheesecake Factory for dinner but Ben wanted BBQ. We got BBQ. (Watching him enjoy his ribs made me happy)

Those are just a few examples of daily big and small sacrifices. And believe me, not all of them are "joyful". In the end though, sharing your life with someone is so so so worth it. Don't quit when it gets hard. Find meaning in everything. And for God's sake, just agree on a place to eat ;)

-Taylor