Taking it Personally

I have the INFJ personality type. It can be summed up as this:

The INFJ personality type is very rare, making up less than one percent of the population, but they nonetheless leave their mark on the world. As Diplomats (NF), they have an inborn sense of idealism and morality, but what sets them apart is the accompanying Judging (J) trait – INFJs are not idle dreamers, but people capable of taking concrete steps to realize their goals and make a lasting positive impact.

I'm a pretty sensitive person,and the first thing I had to learn since moving to Ohio is to not take anything personally. My parents taught me to have this goal in life: "to never be offended by anyone". I think that's a great goal to have - but it's incredibly difficult to master. It's so easy for someone like me to take what other's say about me to heart. My feelings get hurt often. I find myself defending myself in the littlest of situations.

When someone challenges or criticizes INFJs’ principles or values, they are likely to receive an alarmingly strong response. People with the INFJ personality type are highly vulnerable to criticism and conflict, and questioning their motives is the quickest way to their bad side.

For example, Ben grew up in a different household than me. His way of doing things is different. To him, my way is the wrong way. His way makes more sense. The other morning, we had a disagreement about the dishes. He believes that the dishes should not sit in the sink if they are dirty, they should be on the counter, waiting to go into the dishwasher. To me, dishes in the sink made the kitchen look a little cleaner, as that was a sign they were ready to be washed. This may not seem like a big deal, but it's hard to incorporate another person's way of doing things into your own life. To me, this was my fault and my way of doing things is wrong. Ben wasn't necessarily mad at me, he was mad at the way I was doing things. Yet I chose to have my feelings hurt, and I chose to be offended.

Another example is from my best friend Maria. She laughs at the fact that I always think when people are whispering, it's about me. "Something negative, probably."-is my first reaction. One time, she was walking with another person behind me and they were whispering. I turned around and said, "are you talking about me?" She laughed and said, "yes Taylor, we're always talking about you."

That kind of hit me hard. To other's it makes me look like I think the world revolves around me. Because I write a blog, I'm self-absorbed. Because I choose to share my feelings and vulnerabilities with people, I'm impressed with myself. That's not the case. My anxiety is the case. It is a true, heart shattering, mind numbing illness that only those who suffer from it will understand. It makes you take things personally, it makes you wonder about the loyalties of others, it makes you question the man you married - "Do you still like me?" It is insecurity at its finest.

I will tell you, living like this is exhausting. If I chose to question everything I did based on what people thought of it, I would never do anything again. You will never make everyone happy. You will never please every person. That is something I have to continue to tell myself. I'm definitely not perfect and I let these thoughts get the best of me at times, but I'm slowly making progress.

In my new work environment, in my new town, my new apartment, my new married life - I'm deciding not to be offended by anyone. If something I do physically hurts another person, that's a different story. If something I do makes another person dislike me - that is not my fault.

So, here's to being an INFJ - INFJs indeed share a very unique combination of traits: though soft-spoken, they have very strong opinions and will fight tirelessly for an idea they believe in. They are decisive and strong-willed, but will rarely use that energy for personal gain – INFJs will act with creativity, imagination, conviction and sensitivity not to create advantage, but to create balance. Egalitarianism and karma are very attractive ideas to INFJs, and they tend to believe that nothing would help the world so much as using love and compassion to soften the hearts of tyrants.

Thanks for reading!

-Taylor

#medstudent #life #offended #anxiety #medicalschool #marriage